Yesterday, I accompanied Kathy shopping. She wanted to pick up some wedding gifts for a niece. She complained a little bit about the place where the niece had her wedding registry. It was at Bed Bath and Beyond. The items at Bed Bath and Beyond are what you would consider high end, at least from my point of view!

I told Kathy, I can’t blame the niece for wanting to furnish her first home with some quality items. After all, if people are bringing gifts, why not ask for something of quality? Ya. But some people cannot afford to buy such expensive items!

Anyway, I never did have a wedding registry nor a baby registry. We accepted whatever gifts people gave us. We did not ask for anything, let alone ask for expensive items!

After Bed Bath and Beyond we went on to Target, where Kathy’s daughter has a baby registry. We had given Duncan’s crib and the diaper champ (diaper disposable trash) but it seems they were not good enough because the daughter is asking for the same items in the her registry! Had I known, I would not have bothered giving away anything to her! I would have preferred to give away my used baby stuff to someone who could truly appreciate the gifts!

I now know better. Do not give away used items to people who can get other people to give them gifts based on their wants as listed in their baby registry! No more!

I talked about giving away some of the bigger toys that Duncan and Denice have outgrown, but now I don’t think so.

My good friend, Kathy, is expecting her first grandchild in April. She is extremely excited about the prospect of being a grandparent.

She even has a nursery done up at her home. She and her husband, had the room painted rather beautifully in green and blue. It had a scene of rolling hills, plants, clouds, buzzing bees, and even a donkey. I was impressed by the amount of work they had put into the nursery. It makes me ashamed that I did not do anything for my kids’ room!

Anyway, Kathy wanted some bumper pads for the crib and a valance made for the window in the nursery. We went shopping at Joann’s one day and I ended up bringing the stuff she had bought home. I had agreed to sew the bumper pads and valance for her.

Yesterday, I took the bumper pads and valance to her home because I had completed them. The window looks a lot nicer with a valance at the top. And the bumper completes the look of the crib.

The baby shower will be in February and I have been invited. That means, I need to bring gifts for the shower. I have a baby quilt that I will be making for the baby, and of course I need to look at Christina’s (Kathy’s daughter) baby registry at Target. I feel I need to at least bring along an item that Christina wants for her baby!

Christina and her husband do not know the sex of their baby. They want to be surprised! Good for them! I wish them both much joy with the arrival of this new baby.

Kathy has been reminding me that I should start giving my kids chores. My kids are only 4 years old, and I don’t remember doing chores at that age, nor do I remember my sisters-in-law giving their kids chores at that age.

Perhaps we are from a totally different culture, I mean Kathy and myself. Kathy was raised on a farm and from an early age had many responsibilities. She had her own daughters do chores as young as three.

I had a typically Asian upbringing and was raised with 4 other siblings and most of what I had to do was watch over my younger siblings which I hated doing!

I have, however, started making the kids pick up the toys strewn on the floor, take their clothes to the bathroom and leave them in the laundry basket. Everything else I prefer to do them myself, because it is more efficient that way! There is one area that I need to work on: My tone of voice. I nag.

Anyway, an article I found at DrSpock.com is quite enlightening.

Preschooler see, preschooler do
While you’ll start to see your child imitate you as you go about your daily chores when she’s a toddler, this impulse comes to full flower in preschoolers. Sweeping the floor is great sport, sponging off a counter inspires earnest enthusiasm, and planting a flower is pure bliss to these eager helpers. Encourage this healthy imitative behavior by letting your child work alongside you when you can; you can even buy child-size (and child-safe) tools to make it more fun (and a little easier) for her to perform her chores.

In addition to growing more competent at the chores they began as toddlers, such as feeding a pet, dressing themselves, and picking up their toys and clothes, preschoolers might be able to:

* Set the table

* Clear their own plates

* Help with some simple food-preparation chores

* Get their own snacks from small containers

* Help weed the garden

* Fold towels

* Wash plastic dishes and cups

* Dust and use a handheld vacuum

* Clean up many of their own their own spills and messes

Last Sunday we gave away Duncan’s crib/toddler bed to Christina, my friend Kathy’s daughter.  Christina is pregnant with her first child, and we offered her Duncan’s crib and she took up the offer.

Duncan took his last nap on his bed that afternoon and he cried a little when we told him we were giving away the bed.  He loved his bed but he hadn’t been sleeping in it at night for a few weeks now.  He rolls about too much when he sleeps and that bed was getting too small for him.

We told Duncan that he was no longer a baby and that the bed was too small for him now.   Daddy will get you a new bed, we told him.   We are giving your bed away so that a baby can use it.  That pacified him and he was happy to help Christina and Aaron, her husband, carry part of his bed to the van.

Yes, both my babies are growing up and we have given away many of their baby stuff.  It’s kinda sad because that phase of their life is now over and we move on to the next phase.  They are now in Pre-kindergarten and doing homework once a week. 

Just before I unlocked the door to the house, with the kids right behind me, I put my finger into the soil of the potted plant by the door. Hmm, still damp, and then I swipe my fingers across the leaves to remove the spider web covering them. A brown praying mantis fell onto the floor. That got Duncan all excited. I picked up the praying mantis and placed it gently back on the plant.

Denice and I went on ahead into the house while Duncan stayed outside by the door still looking at the praying mantis.

Some minutes later, Duncan surreptitiously entered the house and headed straight towards the bathroom. I quickly asked him to show me his hands. He showed me his hands, nothing there. I thought maybe he had brought the praying mantis into the house.

I decided to check on him in his room. He had removed his shorts and was only wearing his briefs. He was trying to cover his briefs by pulling his t-shirt over his briefs. I suspected something and touched his briefs. It was wet.

Duncan got a good scolding from me. He had been so engrossed with the praying mantis that he did not make it to the bathroom in time. I held up the wet shorts and showed it to him. You should have heard him cry. It was more like a scream. A high pitched cry that showed how embarrassed he was at wetting his shorts. “I’m sorry Mommy” was all he could say after the cry. I reminded him again that he should not wait till the last minute to go to the bathroom. It was also my fault because the last two days I made him go to the bathroom as soon as we got home. But today the praying mantis distracted us all.

By and large, it has been a successful few days at staying dry. I am proud of him.

Today has been a day of triumph of sorts for Duncan. He went, for the first time, to school without wearing his training pants.

Yesterday was the test day for him. He refused to wear his training pants and insisted on wearing his briefs. Ok, I said, just remember to go the bathroom whenever you feel you have to. I had to help him along by reminding him and taking him to the bathroom every few hours. He did great!

This morning as I dressed him for school, he himself told me that he was going to wear his briefs, not his training pants. When we got to school, I told his teacher that he was wearing his briefs and wanted her to remind him to go to the bathroom.

When I picked him up at the end of the day, I noticed that he was still wearing the pair of shorts he had at the beginning of the day. Woohoo, he managed to stay dry all day! I guess my baby has reached an important milestone in his life. I took him to the bathroom as soon as we reached home, just to make sure that after the success of the day, he did not regress to his wetting the training pants days!

I have two sick kids on my hands today. Yesterday evening they both developed a fever after we got back from dinner at a Chinese restaurant. It had nothing to do with the food. Denice had a slight fever earlier in the day, but was okay the rest of the day, until the fever came back in the night.

Their appetite was poor today and Denice was a little weepy, and Duncan just sort of moaned every now and then, more for the attention than anything else. He loved the wet wash cloth I placed on his head and has been walking around the house with it all day.

I just have to be thankful that neither has thrown up anything yet! If past experiences are anything to go by, they will!

I am all for developing my children’s self-esteem but not to the extent of self-absorption where they have difficulty dealing with real life situations. That is why the article on WSJ.com called The Entitlement Epidemic: Who’s Really to Blame? by Jeff Zaslow caught my eye.

According to Zaslow among the many roots for the self-entitlement epidemic are:

• Indulgent Parenting – Today’s parents seem willing to do for their children what their children are already capable of doing for themselves. The many choices parents offer their children like what meals they want to eat, what TV channels they want to watch, or what stations they want to listen to on the car radio, and the parents’ inability to say “No” promote this self-entitlement mentality.

• Consumer Culture – TV shows, like MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16? that promote acquisitive lifestyles, and slogans from businesses, like Burger King’s “Have it your way” that encourage doing your own thing and instant gratification are also partly to blame for this self entitlement disease.
• The Self-Esteem Movement – Schools are mostly the culprit for promoting “everyone is a winner” mentality. Instead of telling kids about their poor performances at tests for example, teachers are encouraged to focus on other silly things like their pretty smile, or they are neat and tidy appearance, things that do not really focus on their failed grades for instance.

I think it is important that kids feel good about themselves but there has to be a balance. I will praise my kids for a good effort on a project for example, but at the same time if their work is sloppy, I am not going to tell them otherwise!

I am not going to let my kids believe that they have an “awesome” talent when they do not have it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t encourage them to be better at whatever they choose to do, however, if after giving it their all there is still not much improvement, maybe it is time for them to look for something else that might be better suited to their ability and personality.

Recommended Reading on related subject:-

NO: Why Kids–of All Ages–Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It by David Walsh